A B Testing Killed the Dream I Had for Us

[Intro] [Verse 1] Yeah, late night in the UI, staring at the screen, That CTA button glowing red, the place we used to convene. We had a smooth user flow, you were my ideal persona, Now I’m stuck in the back-end logic, caught in this deep coma. Remember our Information Architecture — structured, clean, and tight? But you went and reorganized everything in the middle of the night. The UX rating dropped so fast, couldn’t measure the descent, ’Cause all the feelings we had, sugar, were never sentiment. [Chorus] A.B. TESTING KILLED THE DREAM I HAD FOR US. You chose the variant, threw the control group under the bus. My CTR on your affection went straight to zero, baby, Your bounce rate is 100%, now my vision’s hazy. You said we were delightful, now you’re just disruptive. And all our future plans? Yeah, they’re not constructive. A.B. TESTING KILLED THE DREAM I HAD FOR US. I’m just a failed experiment, covered in metric dust. [Verse 2] Pull up the dashboards, look at all the friction, My heart is the server, dealing with this addiction. They said optimize for engagement, for time-on-page or gold, But all I got was latency—the story’s getting cold. The data was inconclusive, said we didn’t meet the KPI, So I’m stuck here in the dark room, watching my whole system die. You were my Design System, perfectly consistent, Now every single interaction feels completely resistant. [Chorus] A.B. TESTING KILLED THE DREAM I HAD FOR US. You chose the variant, threw the control group under the bus. My CTR on your affection went straight to zero, baby, Your bounce rate is 100%, now my vision’s hazy. You said we were delightful, now you’re just disruptive. And all our future plans? Yeah, they’re not constructive. A.B. TESTING KILLED THE DREAM I HAD FOR US. I’m just a failed experiment, covered in metric dust. [Bridge] Used to draw out wireframes of a house we’d build together, Now it’s all just legacy code, caught up in bad weather. No SUS score could predict this level of heartbreak, The quantitative is screaming, a mistake we cannot take. Need a new sitemap, need a new user need, But I just keep loading error messages in my feed. [Outro]