The Only Journey Map You Ever Gave Me Was a D**d End

[Intro] [Verse 1] You said "start here, this is our onboarding phase," With a clear value prop and a hopeful gaze. I followed every step, a perfect little user, But this path you laid out, it was a total loser. I was ready to click, to convert, to commit, But all I found was an empty state of it. [Pre-Chorus] I mapped out all the touchpoints, all the little highs and lows, But you were in the metrics, the hidden user flows. I’m a persona, a target, a case study in your head, But this journey map you gave me just led to a d**d end instead. [Chorus] THE ONLY JOURNEY MAP YOU EVER GAVE ME WAS A D**D END! A faulty prototype that I’ll never recommend! Every milestone you promised was just an empty phase, And now my whole experience is lost in a painful haze! I’m stuck in the middle, in this miserable state, And all I can do is just rage-click and wait! [Verse 2] I went to your friends, the stakeholders, the devs, They all said the same thing in their stand-up eves. "It’s not a bug, it’s a feature," your whole plan’s design, A feature that left my heart broken and on the decline. I reached the final screen, the big "thank you" message, But it was a pop-up ad for your emotional baggage. [Pre-Chorus] I mapped out all the touchpoints, all the little highs and lows, But you were in the metrics, the hidden user flows. I’m a persona, a target, a case study in your head, But this journey map you gave me just led to a d**d end instead. [Chorus] THE ONLY JOURNEY MAP YOU EVER GAVE ME WAS A D**D END! A faulty prototype that I’ll never recommend! Every milestone you promised was just an empty phase, And now my whole experience is lost in a painful haze! I’m stuck in the middle, in this miserable state, And all I can do is just rage-click and wait! [Bridge] I thought we had a goal, a clear call to action, But it was all just a cheap and fraudulent transaction. A feedback loop that never gave me any closure, Just a final screen that left me with no exposure. [Guitar Solo] [Chorus] THE ONLY JOURNEY MAP YOU EVER GAVE ME WAS A D**D END! A faulty prototype that I’ll never recommend! Every milestone you promised was just an empty phase, And now my whole experience is lost in a painful haze! I’m stuck in the middle, in this miserable state, And all I can do is just rage-click and wait! [Outro]