Sugar Our SUS Score Really SUX

[Intro] [Verse 1] You walked in with your answers, written clearly on the board, Ten easy statements, a promise I adored. "I felt confident using this system," (Liar!) "I thought the interface was complex," (Higher!) The metrics rolled in slowly, a funeral bell's low chime, And every single bubble showed we'd wasted all our time. It's official: eighty-five questions just to tell us we're undone, This usability meltdown is zero fun! [Pre-Chorus] We used to be the gold standard, the seamless experience, babe, Now we're down in the fifties, riding a usability wave! This is worse than a hard-coded bug, worse than a late-night sprint, Every single data point is giving me a hint. It's a failure of design, a crisis of the soul, And I'm losing all my sanity, losing all control! [Chorus] SUGAR OUR SUS SCORE REALLY SUX! It's a quantitative nightmare, a hundred broken clicks! There's no ease of use left, just confusion and despair, We're failing every single principle, caught in the usability snare! We can't recommend this mess, not even to our foes, SUGAR OUR SUS SCORE REALLY SUX, EVERYBODY KNOWS! [Verse 2] I saw the mean average, right there on the slide, You were laughing with the stakeholders, nowhere left to hide. Did you forget the heuristics? Did you skip the user test? Or were you just distracted, putting our love to rest? You promised me a delightful interaction, a perfect conversion rate, Instead, you gave me friction, and a system I now hate. [Pre-Chorus] This is worse than a hard-coded bug, worse than a late-night sprint, Every single data point is giving me a hint. It's a failure of design, a crisis of the soul, And I'm losing all my sanity, losing all control! [Chorus] SUGAR OUR SUS SCORE REALLY SUX! It's a quantitative nightmare, a hundred broken clicks! There's no ease of use left, just confusion and despair, We're failing every single principle, caught in the usability snare! We can't recommend this mess, not even to our foes, SUGAR OUR SUS SCORE REALLY SUX, EVERYBODY KNOWS! [Bridge] I tried to make the best of it! I tried to normalize! I even gave you a 7 just to stop all your sad, begging eyes! But the numbers don't lie, baby, and neither does the pain, Now we're down below 50, circling the drain! (Shouted) YOU CAN'T FIX THIS WITH A REDESIGN! [Guitar Solo] [Chorus] SUGAR OUR SUS SCORE REALLY SUX! It's a quantitative nightmare, a hundred broken clicks! There's no ease of use left, just confusion and despair, We're failing every single principle, caught in the usability snare! We can't recommend this mess, not even to our foes, SUGAR OUR SUS SCORE REALLY SUX, EVERYBODY KNOWS! [Outro]