Leprosy

[Intro] (Finger snaps establish rhythm, upright bass walks in, four part harmony hum builds) [Verse 1] [Start Male Voice Throughout] I woke up this morning and climbed out of bed. Noticed somethin' was missin' from my foot. Checked under the covers. Then under the bed. Checked under the pillow and what did I find? It was my big toe. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Chorus] [Start Male Voice Throughout] Leppersee. Leppersee. Things keep fallin' off of me. Leppersee. Leppersee. Oh lord. What's happenin' to me. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Verse 2] [Start Male Voice Throughout] My neighbor came by and I went to shake his hand. But he went to high five me instead. With a smack and a bump. My forearm flew off and landed with a thump. Now I'm standing there with just a stump. He didn't know what to do. So he turned around and went back home. Now he don't come over no more. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Chorus] [Start Male Voice Throughout] Leppersee. Leppersee. Things keep fallin' off of me. Leppersee. Leppersee. Oh lord. What's happenin' to me. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Verse 3] [Start Male Voice Throughout] Winked at a pretty lady. My eye fell outta my head. She screamed and ran away so fast. That she kicked it as she fled. I watched it bouncin' down the street. Now I don't know where it went. I couldn't find it even when I tried to squint. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Chorus] [Start Male Voice Throughout] Leppersee. Leppersee. Things keep fallin' off of me. Leppersee. Leppersee. Oh lord. What's happenin' to me. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Verse 4] [Start Male Voice Throughout] I stopped to smell the roses. My nose landed in the bush. The roses smelled just fine. So I didn't even mind. But those thorns can keep it. I'm not getting scratched. I've got enough problems already. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Chorus] [Start Male Voice Throughout] Leppersee. Leppersee. Things keep fallin' off of me. Leppersee. Leppersee. Oh lord. What's happenin' to me. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Verse 5] [Start Male Voice Throughout] I went to hear some music at the local bar. Got so drunk I had to give up the keys to my car. Next thing I knew my ear fell into some guy's beer. He jumped up and yelled. You better get out of here. So now I'm walking home alone. Singing a song that I can barely hear. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Chorus] [Start Male Voice Throughout] Leppersee. Leppersee. Things keep fallin' off of me. Leppersee. Leppersee. Oh lord. What's happenin' to me. [End Male Voice Throughout] [Outro] [Start Male Voice Throughout] Leppersee. Leppersee. Things keep fallin' off of me. Leppersee. Lepper— (Harmony collapses. Silence.) (Instrumental break) [Start Spoken - No Melody] Oh no. Muh tung fell out. Ow ah cahn't finith thith thong. [End Spoken - No Melody] (Finger snaps fade to silence) [End Male Voice Throughout]