I walked in the clinic, feelin' just fine,
'Til the doc looked at me with a stare so divine.
He flipped through his clipboard, sighed real slow,
Then dropped the b**b— "Dude, your b***d sugar’s low!"
He said, "You're one burger away from a glucose disaster,
Lay off the fries or you’ll need a new pancreas faster!"
I clutched my chest, said, "Doc, don’t be cruel,
I only eat pizza, like… six times a school!"
No more nachos, no more fries,
No more dipping chicken wings in mayo surprise!
No more jelly donuts, no more deep-fried steak,
No more bacon-wrapped burritos dipped in cheesecake!
I begged for mercy, fell down on my knees,
"Can’t I just have a lil’ mac and cheese?"
He shook his head, said, "Your arteries cry,
They've been swimming in gravy since 2005!"
No Big Macs, no curly fries,
No chili dogs stacked to the skies!
No tamales drenched in sour cream,
No deep-fried ice cream—it was all a dream!
Crispy pork belly, buttery scones,
A plate of lasagna with extra provolone!
Fried chicken biscuits, lobster in butter,
Corn dogs dipped in caramel—oh mother!
No more nachos, no more fries,
No more double-stuffed Oreos the size of my eyes!
No more brownies baked in bacon grease,
No more twelve-layer cake—REST IN PEACE!
So now I eat salad, I drink herbal tea…
But every night… my Doritos haunt me.