Back in my days

I walked into a party, just tryin’ to chill, Met a cool young dude named Lavender Bill. I said, "Nice to meet ya, are you he or she?" He laughed in my face—"Oh, grandpa, please!" "I'm non-binary, demi-romantic," "Pan-poly-fluid, a bit sapphichromatic!" I blinked three times, tried to process his words, But my brain short-circuited and it kinda just… purred?" Back in my day, we had two choices! Boy or girl, no extra voices! Now there’s labels, they stretch for miles, I need a dictionary just to date with style! Met a chick named Sky, she was pretty neat, Had rainbow hair and Crocs on her feet. She said, "I’m genderqueer, but also flux," "And I’m polyamorous—open for deluxe!" "I date three people, one’s a they," "One’s a he, but only on Saturday!" I nodded slowly, then I sighed, "In my day, we just got married and cried!" Back in my day, we had two choices! Boy or girl, no extra voices! Now there's terms I don’t understand, What the heck’s a "demi-boy-band"? Agender, bigender, genderfluid, too, Omnisexual? What do I do?! Hetero-flexible? That’s just unfair, Why couldn’t I flex when I had hair?! Ace-spec, pan-rom, neuro-divine, What do you mean your pronouns are pine? I just want love, old-school and plain, Now I need a spreadsheet just to explain! Back in my day, we had two choices! Boy or girl, no extra voices! Now love is wild, it’s free, it’s grand, But I still don’t get it—someone hold my hand! So now I just smile… nod my head real slow… And pray to the universe… that I don’t offend… anyone.