Santas Big Diet

[Intro] [Verse 1] Ho ho ho, but Santa’s moving slow, Cookie crumbs on his coat, and a belly that won’t grow? No! Elves are whispering, “Boss, you’re stuck in the flue!” Rudolph snorted, “Maybe skip the milk—it’s true!” [Chorus] Lose some weight, Santa, you fat f**k, the reindeer ain’t polite, They’re cracking fat jokes on the sleigh tonight! Swap the cookies for kale, yeah, that’s the f***t, Or the North Pole’s gonna roast you fat f**k [Verse 2] Mrs. Claus hid the pie, gave him celery sticks, Santa pouted, “Where’s the gravy? This is just a fix!” Kids wrote letters, “Hey, you’re blocking the moon!” Now he’s jogging ‘round igloos, howling out of tune! [Bridge] The gym’s full of snowmen, pumping iron and flexin’, Santa’s sweating candy canes—midlife crisis question: “Why’d I eat eight turkeys?!” (The answer’s Christmas pressure!) Now he’s trading his red suit for yoga pants and leisure. [Chorus] Lose some weight, Santa, you fat f**k, the world’s a little mean, Your belt’s crying “mercy!” like a tinsel-covered bean! But if you slim down, buddy, you’ll still be the meme queen— Just don’t blame us when the elves start selling diet cream! [Outro]