THE LEGAL LIGHTSABER

[Verse 1] There’s someone in the office with a courtroom glow, Slicing through legislation like a Jedi on the go. Before you’ve had your coffee or opened your screen, She’s drafted three rulings and a merger routine. She colour-codes bundles with frightening speed, Spots the one missing clause nobody else could read. Ask a simple question — oh, brace yourself then, You’ll get twenty pages… and a flow chart at the end. [Pre-Chorus] She translates EU legalese into English with flair, While the rest of us stare like, “Is that even fair?” And when someone suggests “ignoring procedure”… well… That Look™ appears and you know you’ve chosen hell. [Chorus] Ohhhh the Legal Lightsaber — She brings competition law flavour. From mergers to guidance, she sees every clue, She’ll tell you “It depends on the legal test” — and you know it’s true. Oh the Legal Lightsaber — Calm, sharp, and chic as ever. She’s the ghost of competition past, future and present too — Visiting firms like, “You need to fix that… before we do.” [Verse 2] She swims in the sea in all weather and tides, Taxi driver by night with kids along for the rides. Early workouts at dawn, then fine dining by eight, Hallmark movies queued up — that’s a perfect rest day. Public speaking queen, choral harmonies tight, And a shoe selection in the office that could blind you with light. Hyper-detailed notes for investigations she leads — We summarise them as: “Right… don’t form a cartel, agreed?” [Pre-Chorus] Procedural timelines memorised like a spell, State aid references? Oh, she knows them too well. Ask “What’s the statute say?” — she’s already there, Waving case law around like confetti in the air. [Chorus] Ohhhh the Legal Lightsaber — She brings competition law flavour. Spots risks in a heartbeat, precise as a blade, Turning corporate confusion into order well-made. Oh the Legal Lightsaber — Calm, sharp, and cool as ever. You’ll hear “How very dare them — another merger?!” ring through, And that’s when you know enforcement season is due. [Bridge – fun & theatrical] If life were a novel, she’d carry chapter three — Noticing the detail the villain hoped she’d never see. If firms hear her footsteps, they tidy their rules, Because she’s the queen of compliance — and nobody fools. [Final Chorus] Ohhhh the Legal Lightsaber — No one regulates braver. From bundles to boardrooms, from evidence to sea — She’s the star of the story in our small jurisdiction TV. Yeah, the office runs smoother, the work runs cleaner — Because the Legal Lightsaber is our in-house… World-class… Procedural dreamer.