Race of the Squeaky Sprinters

[Intro] [Verse 1] Oh gather ‘round, ye mortals bold, to witness legs of glee! A race of men with names absurd, dashing wild and free! Bartholomew the Bumblefoot! Sir Reginald Tiptoes! They sprint with socks aflappin’, past the crows and cabbage rows! [Chorus] Hark! The squeaky cry of steel-toed zeal! Three-thousand-two-hundred metres of chaotic wheel! Through mud and mirth, they clatter forth, their shrieks split the sky! A gallop, a wail—opera-metal gods defy! [Verse 2] Algernon the Wobblebottom! Lord Percival Stumblesocks! Their kneecaps clack like castanets, their shoes eat gravel rocks! The finish line’s a pickled egg! The crowd roars “Faster, fools!” Their mustaches flap like bat wings, fueled by lukewarm gruel! [Bridge] (High C squeak) Oof! My spleen! (Power chord crunch) The track’s on fire, the judges nap, the trophy’s just a lunch! Ten octaves rise! Electric lutes screech through the haze! A crescendo of toenails lost in this deranged relay! [Outro] [Chorus] Hark! The squeaky cry of steel-toed zeal! Three-thousand-two-hundred metres of chaotic wheel! The victor? None! They’ve tripped into a pie! Opera-metal laughter shakes the stars goodbye! [Outro]