Fernando broken pipe

🎵 “Fernando and the Broken Pipe” 🎵 (Country, with banjo, fiddle, and a lotta whiskey) [Verse 1] Well out on the Gateway, the dredger of lore, There’s a man named Fernando, aged eighty or more. He runs the big pipe, or used to at least, Now it just gurgles and hisses like yeast. He’s got boots full of oil and a hat made of rope, Still chasin' the ladies with a limp and some hope. But when things get steamy, and pants hit the floor… His ol’ rusty pipe just don't pump no more. [Chorus] 🎶 Ohhh Fernando, your pipe don’t flow, You grumble and fart like an old banjo. You squeak like a toy when you laugh too hard, And you smell like Gucci in a portside bar! Oh Fernandoooo, let that pipe be still, 'Cause we all know it's past its drill! 🎶 [Verse 2] He drinks diesel shots, calls ‘em "Captain’s rum", Got a tattoo of a dolphin on his left ol’ bum. Claims he fought pirates in '79, But he fell off the dock tryin' to draw the line. He's grumpy as hell, hates Mondays and soup, Wears underwear older than the Gateway crew. Swears he once dated a Swedish pop star, But got dumped for a tugboat named “Ol' Radar.” [Chorus] 🎶 Ohhh Fernando, your pipe’s retired, Like your hopes and dreams and your deep-fried choir. You wheeze like a cat in a blender jar, And you smell like Gucci in a porta-potty car! Oh Fernandoooo, raise that beer with pride, Even if your pipe’s just along for the ride! 🎶 [Bridge] He says, “Boys, back in my day, I laid pipe like a king!” But now he just naps and complains ‘bout his ring. He snores like a chainsaw in a karaoke bar, And flirts with the radar… thinks it’s a guitar. [Final Chorus] 🎶 Ohhh Fernando, ya legend afloat, Your stories are wilder than a bilge rat’s coat. Your pipe’s gone soft, but your heart still fights, You’re the drunkest, squeakiest sailor in sight! Oh Fernandoooo, we’ll toast you till morn’, Just don’t try to flirt with the engine horn! 🎶