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[Verse 1] Well he sells Porsches that he can’t quite fit in, Got a belly like a beach ball and a permanent grin. Got cologne so strong, it sets off alarms, And a gold chain tangled in his arm hair charms. He struts through the showroom, finger guns blazin’, Yells “Yoo-hoo!” like it’s somethin’ amazin’. Says, “Hey kid, check the fridge, you know the rule— We don’t sell cars without cold water, fool!” [Chorus] Yoo-hoo! Check the fridge again! He’s the water bottle boss, the hydration kingpin. Got a hundred fake watches that all say two, And a waistline wider than a Cayman coupe. Yeah, he’s slingin’ Porsches, got style to burn, But he’ll stop mid-sale just to take a water turn! [Verse 2] He don’t trust Evian, he’s a Fiji man, But Kirkland will do if it’s part of the plan. He’s got a cooler obsession, it’s wild and true, He once called the porter at half past two— “Hey, yoo-hoo! It’s your boss again! Is that fridge stocked up, my hydration friend?” He don’t text, he just yells from across the floor, “Water check, buddy! Two cases more!” [Chorus] Yoo-hoo! Better fill that bin, Got a showroom dryer than his double chin. He’s got fake Rolex, fake Breitling too, He says, “They’re all real… in my point of view.” Yeah, he’s flashin’ finger guns like he’s on TV, With a ‘99 Boxster and bad knees. [Bridge] Every lunch break, he hits Subway hard, Footlong turkey with a finance card. Tells the new hires, “Kid, it’s all about flair— And keep that fridge colder than a billionaire’s stare.” [Breakdown – Spoken] “Hey Jimmy! Yoo-hoo! You check that fridge, son? I don’t see condensation on them bottles! What is this, amateur hour?” [Final Chorus] Yoo-hoo! He’s the man, the myth, the dude, He’s Porsche’s top seller with an attitude. Got wrist bling fake enough to tick in reverse, And a water f****h that borders perverse. Yeah, the man’s got style, the man’s got drive, And that fridge is the only thing keepin’ him alive. [Outro – Spoken, finger guns sound effect implied] “Yoo-hoo! Stay hydrated, baby. Now somebody grab me a water—I’m about to close this deal!” 💦