Heathers Birthday Blues

[Intro] [Verse 1] Hey Heather, blow out the candles, make a wish, Another year older, let’s cut the cake, not diss, But while we’re here, let’s keep it real, no filter— Gilmore Girls? More like a caffeine-spilled filler! [Chorus] Happy birthday, Heather, let’s scream it out loud, But Stars Hollow’s charm? Nah, it’s just a caffeine cloud. We’ll dance all night, but skip the Luke’s Diner vibe, Your day’s a hit, but that show? Let’s not subscribe. [Verse 2] Fast-talking moms and endless coffee cups, Plotlines so slow, they’re stuck in second gear’s rut. You’re the star today, no Kirk or Rory cameos, Just cake, confetti, and zero Logan’s “pros and cons” woes. [Bridge] Maybe Lorelai’s jokes could use a rewrite, But your smile’s brighter than any Stars Hollow night. We’ll toast to you, not to that small-town snooze, Happy birthday, Heather—Gilmore Girls? We lose. [Outro]