Ah so many cookies to choose from
Even milk to fill my tum
Silent night on blast, till the morning sun
Sleigh is stopped on top, till the battles won
Grasping my hands, toys scattered around
Like doctor who, I can avoid the sound
Hop into the sleigh, and grit my teeth till their ground
Shouldn't had that much dairy, especially by the pound
Cheese curds from table, bubbling my gut
Hot cheeto's unable, to exit from my butt
Feels like cane and able, and the murders strut
I got 5 billion houses to visit, but I'm cracked like a nut
Down in the sleigh, where no one can see
Invisibility cloak today, except the toilets breeze
Served as one would say, like orange juice I squeeze
Hands on my knees I pray, as I try to freshen the trees
Get out of the room, exit out to the earth
Couldn't get it out, but the remnant smell of squirts
Pinched off a little piece, and the spot still hurts
Gotta check my sugar, before diabetes flirts
Why can't they include lactaid in the mix
Perhaps some cured meats for my fix
My deer need a feast, besides eating the sticks
But I feel it once more, now feeling the sicks
Met ralph when I breathe, puke on rudolph bent over
Shart when I sneeze, on top of that throw out my shoulder
Maybe one more house I believe, then I can move this boulder
Got paper in my sleeves, always have it as I get older
Down in the sleigh, where no one can see
Invisibility cloak today, except the toilets breeze
Served as one would say, like orange juice I squeeze
Hands on my knees I pray, as I try to freshen the trees
Finally I hear the alarm pop off
Stopped time except to drop off
The kids their presents, stuck in my trough
I take one step, and accidentally cough
But it all rushes out, and stains my pants red
Then the T.P. falls down, and carefully I tread
I reach in my pouch, and find a handkerchief instead
Carefully I walk to the couch, and make my bed
Change of clothes needed, but home too far
The stain receded, but the scent worse than jafar
Evil in nature proceeded, I leave a trail from the start
Dripping in excess deleted, this christmas canceled because of a fart
Down in the sleigh, where no one can see
Invisibility cloak today, except the toilets breeze
Served as one would say, like orange juice I squeeze
Hands on my knees I pray, as I try to freshen the trees
