A Sadist's Prayer

(Slow 12/8 crawl, A minor) Verse 1 I’m a sadist. I love you even though I know you might hate me. Even though I know how mad you’re probably gonna make me. Even if I wanted to tell you all this lately, I probably won’t. ‘Cause I’m a sadist. I build situations I know I’ll fail. Walk straight in with no way to prevail. Stress so deep it might k**l. And yeah — I hope I go to hell. Chorus I’m wired for pain, it’s how I stay sane. I break what I build, just to feel again. No heaven left to sell — I hope I go to hell. Verse 2 I don’t know why I do this. I already know life ain’t no movie. But the pain’s got rhythm, it’s the only thing that soothes me. Love it when my girl lies. Love it when my friends cut ties. B***d pressure climbs, eyes wide, staring through another night. Peepin’ where I keep my knives. Why? ‘Cause I’m a sadist. Chorus I’m wired for pain, it’s how I stay sane. I break what I build, just to feel again. No heaven left to sell — I hope I go to hell. Verse 3 I used to bite myself to feel alive. Been that way since I was five. Never got advice, only got judged. So I turned the hurt into the drug. Eyes stay open, jaw locked tight. Grindin’ my teeth till the world feels right. I hope I go to hell. At least the fire there feels earned. Up here, every scar just gets ignored or returned. Bridge / Break (spoken) D***n it out. Tunnel vision. Breathin’ heavy, somethin’ missin’. Sun gets brighter, lungs get tight. Still I chase it every night. Verse 4 Wouldn’t tell nobody live this way. Show up an hour late, talk big and fade away. Handin’ out promises I know I can’t make. That’s my mistake. But I still smile through the spell — ‘Cause I’m a sadist. And I hope I go to hell. Final Chorus / Outro I’m wired for pain, it’s how I stay sane. I break what I build, just to feel again. Ain’t nothin’ left to tell — I hope I go to hell. (Fade on the line “I hope I go to hell.”)