🎵 Tales from the Twat Parade 🎵 (Parody of Arctic Monkeys’ earl

🎵 Tales from the Twat Parade 🎵 (Parody of Arctic Monkeys’ early style) [Verse 1] He’s neckin’ Carling in the bogs again, the filthy little muppet Says he’s “on the sesh,” but he’s just skint and nickin’ nuggets Flickin’ fags at traffic lights, Actin’ like he’s ‘ard in tights Wears a Burberry knock-off coat, But the dickhead’s feet are soakin’ wet in plimsolls, mate, no joke [Pre-Chorus] She’s screamin’ outside Wetherspoons Said someone “looked at her all rude” But it was a pigeon No one listens ’Cept her mate who’s chattin’ up some bloke with a vape and trust issues [Chorus] Oh it’s Friday night, and they’re all on parade Like a circus of bellends you wish had just stayed At home in their shells, but they’re out instead Wavin’ plastic pints like they’re stormin’ the fed And I think I’ve seen it all but they always outdo it Every knobhead in town, tryin’ not to look stupid But they fail so well, and I’m takin’ the piss ‘Cause I live for the tales from the twat parade, this is bliss [Verse 2] There’s Gaz, he’s tried to scrap a bin Lost a f***t with the wind And Kezza’s cryin’ ‘cause her lashes fell in a puddle again “You don’t know me!” she roars to a copper Who’s more bored than a nun at a rave in Mallorca And I’m lurkin’ by the chippy, hot sausage in me pocket Tryin’ not to get glassed by some berk off his rocket [Pre-Chorus] She’s neckin’ WKDs like they’re vintage champagne And he’s showin’ off his chest tat that says “f**k the pain” So profound, mate You’re a poet, now wait— You just spewed on your trainers and called it fate [Chorus] Yeah it’s Saturday now, and they’re still goin’ strong All these Poundland gangsters with their tribal thong Sniffin’ lines in the bog of a Greggs, no less Gettin’ banned from the pub for a TikTok mess And I think I’ve peaked but I can’t look away It’s like Love Island crashed into a motorway What a show, what a night, what a beautiful sh*t These are tales from the twat parade, and I’m lovin’ it [Bridge] You can’t write this