D**d But Alive

(Verse 1) Woke up crying again, Don’t remember what from. But the panic stays — Like a drug in my lungs. Voices down the hall, Mom yelling, dad gone. Taught me love meant silence, Taught me pain meant “stay strong.” (Verse 2) I learned young how to flinch, At sounds, at names, at praise. When they said, “You’re doing great,” I heard, “Don't mess up today.” Stared too long at knives, Not because I wanted to die, But 'cause I needed Some kind of control in this life. (Chorus) It’s traumatic — Being told to smile with bleeding teeth. It’s dramatic — To them, when I can’t even breathe. It’s automatic — I say “I’m fine” while I rot inside. It’s traumatic — But no one asks me why I hide. (Verse 3) Laughed at in school, Ignored at home, Cried in the shower So no one would know. They said, “You're too sensitive,” “Stop making it about you.” But when I screamed in silence — Nobody ever came through. (Bridge) I was never the golden one, Just the burden, the blame, The one who ruined family photos With tear-streaked shame. Every birthday candle, I wished for the same: "Please let me disappear Without leaving pain.” (Final Chorus) It’s traumatic — When love is a leash you c***e on tight. It’s erratic — How they only see you when you f***t. It’s problematic — That I survived but can’t feel pride. It’s traumatic — When you’re d**d but still alive. (Outro) No scars on the outside, But I’m covered head to toe. I smile in your photos, While I’m screaming, "Please let go."