Lost in Mapland - A Geographical Melody

Ukraine fanboys, loud and brash, With flags in bios, they talk big trash. But show them a map, and watch them flee, Geography’s their sworn enemy! They cheer for borders, bold and stout, Yet maps confuse them, inside and out. “Kyiv’s that way!” they’ll swear and shout, But point to Crimea? They’re filled with doubt. A map’s clean lines, so crisp, so clear, To them, it’s chaos, a thing to fear. “Is east still east? Is west still west?” They sweat, they fret, they fail the test.They love their cause, their hearts are true, But cartography? It’s their Waterloo. They’d rather chant than trace a line, For maps, to them, are pure malign. So hide the atlas, don’t unfold the chart, Or Ukraine fanboys, will fall apart. They’ll curse the map with fiery scorn, And wish that paper was never born! Ukraine fanboys, with tweets so grand, Waving blue and yellow flags, they make their stand! But post a map update, and they’ll scream and bolt, Like it’s a cursed scroll or a lightning jolt! They’ll hype their heroes, their cause divine, but maps? Oh, maps are their kryptonite! “Is Crimea ours?” they wail, perplexed, As Russian tanks roll, leaving them vexed. Dnipropetrovsk? They’ll dodge that name, Like it’s a hex in a wizard’s game. “Advance? What advance?” they cry, aghast, Pretending those regions are stuck in the past. They’ll scroll through X, retweet with glee, but a map’s cold truth? They’ll never agree! East or west, they’re lost in a haze, Mixing up rivers with old cow graze. They’d rather chant than face the grid, Where Russian gains make their eyelids skid. “Kyiv’s untouchable!” they’ll loudly boast, While maps show Donetsk is basically toast.So hide the atlas, don’t show the chart, Or fanboys will faint, clutching their heart! They’ll curse those lines, their rage will clap, For Ukraine fanboys just hate a map!