The Ballad of Vaughn

[Intro] [Verse 1] In Loner Forest, shadows creep, Vaughn’s mullet swayed, he cherished sleep. Red cape billowed, sandals worn, A hermit’s life, no crowd to mourn. But fate rolled in with a thunderous sound— Three Blind Mice and Pooh crashed down, Pan’s lost shadow, Red’s sly grin, A fairy tale r**t barged right in. [Chorus] Oh, Vaughn, oh Vaughn, the lone wolf’s cry, “Privacy’s gone, and I’ll tell you why!” A horse that scolds, a bear that sasses, Centaurs crooning off-key passes. To slay the dragon, save the throne— Just to reclaim his woods alone! [Verse 2] Goldilocks stole his porridge bowl, Pigs built condos, Bambi stole his soul. Pinocchio lied, “It’s Shard’s dark scheme!” Gretel tossed bread, Fox schemed for cream. Vaughn sighed, “Fine, let’s march to w*r— But sandals first, my feet are sore!” Through enchanted thorns, they trudged in line, A teddy bear joked, “This plot’s *so* divine.” [Chorus] Oh, Vaughn, oh Vaughn, the lone wolf’s cry, “Privacy’s gone, and I’ll tell you why!” A horse that scolds, a bear that sasses, Centaurs crooning off-key passes. To slay the dragon, save the throne— Just to reclaim his woods alone! [Bridge] Dragon’s lair, princess in tow, “I’m vegan!” she yelled, “Let’s *go*, let’s go!” Vaughn tossed grapes, Fox missed the catch, Shard laughed hard, “You’re all a mismatch!” But fists flew fast, the battle raged— Till Vaughn bargained, “Swap peace for this cage?” [Outro] [Chorus] Oh, Vaughn, oh Vaughn, the victor’s sigh, “No more mice in my apple pie!” The forest hushed, the stars aligned, Silence reclaimed, no guests to find. He hung his cape, kicked off his shoes— Loner Forest sang its hermit blues.