day after day

i ain't gon lie, i ain’t slept in days not from no thrill, but from the way they praise my sister like she gold, like she light in the maze while i’m locked in a cage, watchin my whole self fade he left with a backpack and a look in his eye like this place ain’t worth even sayin goodbye didn’t hug me, didn’t wave, didn’t blink, didn’t cry just said “don’t speak on it,” like i don’t ask why like damn, big bro, you just vanish like that? after all them fake dreams you was tryna unpack? college this, music that, said you’d never fold flat but now you military-bound and i’m stuck where i sat and i still sit there, on the edge of my bed screamin in silence at the words never said mom yellin through walls, dad mentally d**d both breathin, but neither one raisin they head he said i ain’t his, he don’t claim me no more i could vanish tomorrow, he wouldn’t check the floor he ain’t ask if i’m eatin, or cry when i swore i ain’t his child no more—that’s b***d turned to w*r mom unstable, she shift every hour one minute it’s hugs, next minute she sour like her love on a timer, like a wilting flower say the wrong word, she e*****e with power hit the door, hit the wall, scream til she crack then blame it on me for the things she lack say i’m p****n, say i’m nothin, say “why you act?” like i ain’t just a kid tryna not react and sis outside, she free, she laugh postin pics with her friends like she livin her path while i’m grounded for breathin, no phone, no pass can’t even walk down the block or touch grass they strip me of music, of friends, of light of a job, of a car, of the will to f***t i be prayin for morning to just turn to night so i don’t gotta fake another smile that ain’t right and don’t get me started on that first car spin my first time drivin, thought i’d never begin but i hit that turn, felt the world cave in woke up shakin, heart beatin through my skin glass on my arms, b***d in my shoe they ain’t say “you okay?” they said “what’d you do?”