Is this real or is it a nightmare Slowly grasping at memories a

Is this real or is it a nightmare? Slowly grasping at memories and sanity trying to make sense of the noise that is exploding. What is happening? Have I died? A lost soul being called home? How did this happen? What caused this vision? Oh its you again after all this time its you again. You're here or no you never left I just had a mask to pretend. I bury the emotions and c***e back the disgust I live in my nightmares because you said you cant be one of us. I am in the dark even though I crave the light. I am lost in a world where I am not allowed to f***t. My biggest bully is myself making sure remember every statement you gave me of what to change. I must hide and never let it show. These feelings, emotions, curses, and more must remain in only me I cant let anyone see because then who would want me? or who would even attempt to be my friend. I know I wouldn't choose me so why do I make the world try hell why do I even try Im so lost and out of my own skull I would say mind but that isn't mine that belongs to someone else...a demon perhaps that has taken over every action that I have left. I can watch but I cant make it stop. Oh god this anger is taken me back please help. They say all time will heals wounds so why is that my are just re-opened and bled out on repeat like there is no end for me. I am strung out on and emotional joy ride only the only emotions not joining the party are the ones I need where are you joy? Happiness are you there? Love what is going on? oh hi rage and trauma and how could I forget you guys anxiety and depression what kind of party would it be with out you is this all or is there more I can handle this oh god no they are here too regret well I guess I will skate by as long as its not that one kind. Oh great they are here too I guess you're right we are in for one hell of night now that we have you. You are your worst enemy you're biggest let down. You could have been something more but look what you did?