Under the Desk, Counting Breaths

Intro: The phone lit up like it always does same buzz, same lie of calm I thought it was nothing I thought— no, I didn’t think at all Verse 1: There were blue books on the table pencils chewed down to the wood someone left the door unlocked because of course they did the hallway smelled like coffee and nerves and rain coming later and then the sound— not a sound you forget not loud at first just wrong I remember the clock more than anything how it kept moving like it didn’t hear a thing Chorus: They said stay where you are so we stayed under desks, behind lab stools counting breaths like spare change two hours is a long time to be very still to learn the shape of fear by heart Verse 2: Sirens stacked up on College Hill red and blue, red and blue like the city was trying to breathe through a straw texts came in half-sentences “are you—” “don’t move” “love you” Outside, the restaurants stayed lit menus still chalked on the sidewalk someone somewhere ordered soup someone else didn’t come home They say he wore black they say maybe a mask they say a lot of things when they don’t know the name yet Chorus: They said stay where you are so we stayed knees to chests, mouths dry listening for footsteps I thought about my mother’s hands the way she counts pills the way I count exits now without meaning to Bridge: I’ve stood in rooms like this before different town, same prayer same promise we keep breaking same tired words— terrible unthinkable thoughts I’m not surprised anymore that’s the worst part that my anger feels familiar like an old coat I keep by the door Verse 3: They found shells on the floor like punctuation ending sentences mid-thought seven critical numbers pretending to be people a president says we should pray and maybe we should but I don’t know who’s listening this time Chorus: They said stay where you are so we stayed until staying felt heavier than running ever could I don’t know what justice looks like I just know what it costs and who keeps paying it Outro: The clock kept moving eventually, so did we I walked past the coffee shops past the tape, past the quiet still counting my breaths still under that desk a little bit forever