The Ballad of the Hopengartner Brothers

[Intro] [Verse 1] Oh gather ‘round, ye lords and knaves, To hear the tale of three bold braves: Young Cody struts in plate and steel, With pistols, poleaxe, blades to heal— But once his shot went *wildly* south, And left poor Fenrir sans his mouth… (but not his mouth!) Then Fenrir, mute, with waxen scrawl, A revolver king, yet prone to fall— His codpiece cursed, his luck amiss, He pissed on mail and sealed it with a kiss. To golden shrines he’d oft retreat, To mend what Cody’d maimed… discreet. And Varg, the eldest, mage of pride, Summoned a stone—dominoes! They cried. He crushed his foes, then mocked the smith, “Your craftsmanship is *literal* myth!” Yet when poor Fen lost *manly pride*, ’Twas Varg who found a replacement… side. [Chorus] Oh Hopengartners, chaos-born, From blunders dire, their legend’s sworn— They stumbled into hell’s foul scheme, Then crushed the fascist demon dream! [Verse 2] They tracked a cult through moonlit bogs, Cody shot once—two heads, two logs! But healing spells went *devil-ward*, Asmodeus roared, “This world is scarred!” With hellish legions, fascist creed, The brothers fled, their halls decreed… [Chorus] Oh Hopengartners, chaos-born, From blunders dire, their legend’s sworn— They stumbled into hell’s foul scheme, Then crushed the fascist demon dream! [Bridge] Exiled, ragged, but still they schemed, Joined rebels where the torches gleamed. Cody’s pistols sang their tune, Fen’s wax wrote “K**k their scaly moon!” And Varg, with dominoes stacked high, Sent demons back to scream the sky! [Verse 3] They stormed the keep where Asmodeus trilled, Cody’s shot—his aim fulfilled! Fen flipped his board: “Let’s end this farce!” Varg’s stone crushed Hell’s last pass. Their mansion reclaimed, though slightly singed, The brothers laughed… and Fenrer *hinged*. [Outro]